Liam Neeson, Part III

Marjorie: "I can't wait to watch that new Liam Neeson movie. I can already tell he's trigger happy in it."

Celebrity Couples

Marjorie: "Avril Lavigne is engaged to the lead singer of Nickelback. That is so janky I can't even take it."

Rumors

Marjorie: "Did you know John Travolta wears a weave?"

Batman & Dieting

Marjorie: "I'm just going to eat kale and dust! That's what Anne Hathaway said she did to lose weight for the role of Catlady."

How I Met Your Mother, Part II

Me: "Do you want to go see a movie with Josh Radnor? He'll be there for a Q&A afterward."

Marjorie: "Is Josh Radnor the guy from How I Met Your Mother? I'm just gonna ask him: HOW DID YOU MEET HER."

Kids

Marjorie: "There are two children in my office right now. I'm frightened and appalled."

Amanda Bynes

Marjorie: "Breaking news: I saw Amanda Bynes last night at a nail salon I was at....and she is loco on the real. And if you want to know why her extensions look janky, it's because she gets them done at a 24 hour nail salon."

So So Def

Marjorie: "Da Brat is at the same brunch place as me. Yes, DA BRAT."

Me: "LOL, where?"

Marjorie: "A place called Barcode in D.C. I was getting my fried chicken at the buffet (don't judge), and I saw a girl looking mad hood. And I was like wait...it was Da Brat tat tat."

Me: "Hahaha so random. Is she from D.C.?"

Marjorie: "No clue. She had a jacket with So So Def on it. She could afford a nice weave, right? Instead of those janky braids?"

My Heart Will Go On, Part II

Marjorie: "I'm voting myself off this sinking ship."
Kristen: "We're taking you down with us!"

Me: "Clutching each other as we sink like that old couple in Titanic."

Krista: "Having sex in cars and shit."

Marjorie: "...what?"

Krista: "Have you never seen Titanic?!?"

Me: "Marjorie only remembers the scene where Billy Zane bitch slaps Kate Winslet."

Marjorie: "I mean, that's the best part, is it not?!"

Unemployment

Marjorie: "I'm going to quit my job and become a lady of leisure. How my shoe habit will be funded is TBD."

Karaoke

Marjorie: "I think I'm at the jankiest bar in the USA. I got dragged here by partners, and some old lady just flipped me off!"

Krista: "You must have deserved it!"

Marjorie: "I insulted the karaoke singer...who I think she's friends with."

Corporate America, Part III

Marjorie: "Except he's the senior exec, so I would prob be the one who is out of a job. On the streetz. With fab shoes. But still on the streetz."

Liam Neeson, Part II

Me: "I was watching an old Woody Allen movie last night and guess who showed up in it."

Marjorie: "LIAM NEESON. MY MAN."

Me: "Yup."

Marjorie: "Was he killing anyone?"

Me: "No, but he was a major home wrecker, for TWO different women."

Marjorie: "Love it."

Me: "Not gonna lie - he was pretty foxy, Young Liam."

Marjorie: "He is fine as hell. He's fine now. Werk."

Vocabulary

Marjorie: "Okay, well keep me up to breast."

Me: "Abreast, Marjorie. The word you're looking for is abreast."