Demands

Marjorie: "If this blog actually gets picked up by a network, I want Stacy Dash to play me."

Me: "You know she's like 45 right?"

Marjorie: "Whatever, she looks damn good! She's got like three kids and shit!!"

Clothing Maintenance

Marjorie: "Where's your iron?"

Me: "For clothing?"

Marjorie: "Ughhhh what other kind is there....?"

Me: "Um, hair."

Marjorie: "Ohhh yea, trueskeet!"

Carpe Diem

Marjorie: "Throw your body to the wind!"

Similarities, Part II

Marjorie: "Wait, so John C. Reilly and Will Ferrell AREN'T related?!?"

Me: "Umm no....why would you think that?"

Marjorie: "Do people know this, like is this common knowledge? Like, they totally look like they could be step brothers to me."

Me: "Is that only because they were in a movie called 'Step Brothers'??"

Marjorie: "Yeah, I guess, but I thought that they were like paying homage to something....ugh, I DON'T KNOW."

Me: "Also, you know that if they WERE step brothers in real life, they wouldn't actually be related, right?"

Similarities

Marjorie: "That guy you showed me [Danny McBride] looks JUST like John C. Reilly to me. I guess it's the curly hair and the fact that they're both white."

Common Knowledge

Marjorie: "Did you know John Travolta wears a weave?"

Photography, Part II

Me: "Let me see your pics....ooh, that's a good one!"

Marjorie: "I know, I'm like a regular Annie....like, whatever...."

Me: "....Leibovitz?"

Marjorie: "Yea, Annie Lei....whatever, you know, that lady."

Pool Time

Me: "Ugh, my bathing suit is getting this dress wet."

Me (after changing into shorts and a top): "Ugh, that dress is soaked."

Marjorie: "Wait....that's a dress?!?"

Footwear

Marjorie: " http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51jkfd%2Bp6vL._AA300_.jpg...I know they are super clunky, but i kinda like them."

Me: " Yowza!"

Marjorie: "Bad yowza?"

Me: "No, they're hot."

Marjorie: "See, Jessica Simpson shoes can be the truth!"

Gender Roles, Part III

Marjorie: "Speaking of being out of the loop, I guess it's a good time to tell you that I'm a woman....minus the 'wo'."

Personal Posessions

Marjorie: "You know I don't do....pets."

Me: "What DO you do? Shoes?!"

Marjorie: "Ummm F yes!!!! And bags. You know....my ASSets. Ok well I'm off to work....I mean....bed. Goodnight!"

Gratitude

Marjorie: "p.s. Thanks again for sending the flats!! You're a D.A.B., aka Down Ass Bitch, bitch!"

Comedy

Me: "So there are finally new UCB classes posted on days I can actually go."

Marjorie: "Straight."

Me: "But there's improv AND sketch writing and I don't know which one to do first!"

Marjorie: "Hmmmm..."

Me: "I was thinking writing, but I don't know."

Marjorie: "I guess you could write your improv?"

Queens

Marjorie: "Any chance you wanna come to the rockin' town of Cambria Heights, Queens?"

Me: "........ (Crickets)."

Marjorie: "Ummm there is an awesome Haitian restaurant/club there where some ghetto cousin of mine is having her baby shower tonight. From 7 to 1am. That is not okay."

Parlez Vous Francais?

Marjorie: "Just an FYI - 'touche' does NOT mean 'okay.' I have been using that wrong for years. Like 'do you wanna go there for lunch, that place is good'....me: 'touche.' Ughh.

Me: "Ummm.....dont you SPEAK french????"

Marjorie: "Yes. I'm SORRY OKAY."

Me: "It's used when you acknowledge someone said something biting, correct, etc. Like 'oh burn, touche'."

Marjorie: "I know that!....Now."

Anger & the Cinema

Marjorie: "It's gonna be diary of a mad black woman this weekend!! Yes, I referenced Tyler Perry and his bootleg movies."

Gender Roles, Part II

Marjorie: "Yeah if you get hungry, just go ahead and eat."

Me: "You bet your balls I'll eat! My hunger waits for no one."

Marjorie: "I wish you would try to insinuate that I am a man one more time!!!!!!"

Fast Food & Hair Care

Me: "Whatevs, I fux with Popeyes! Cajun Rice is the shit."

Marjorie: "Popeyes is the truth!!!!!! Like Beyonce's weaves."

Cheaters, Part II

Krista: "That joke about 'The Godfather' and 'Scarface' was so funny!"

Marjorie: "I haven't seen either of those movies"

Us: "Really??"

Marjorie: "Umm HELLO, you guys have never seen 'Cheaters'!!!"

Cheaters

Marjorie: "Oh my god, have you ever seen that episode of 'Cheaters'...."

Us: "What's 'Cheaters'?"

Marjorie: "You've never heard of 'Cheaters'?!?! Are you serious?!?! It's been around for years, I grew up watching that show! It's on at like midnight on Fox - it catches people cheating on their spouses. The host got stabbed on a boat once!"

Us: "THAT'S what you watched growing up? A show about cheating spouses that aired late at night on Fox?"

Marjorie: "Yea, you didn't? I used to watch that and 'Midnight Love' on BET...."

The Truman Show

Claire: "Yea it's this really cool special where they follow around like four children born in completely different parts of the world. You see how different their lives and circumstances are."

Me: "Oh yea, there was also that documentary that they started like ten years ago, and they actually committed to following a bunch of different kids around from birth. They do it for like twenty years and show where each person ends up in their lives...."

Marjorie: "Wait, you mean like that Jim Carey movie??"

Volunteering

Matt: "I'm starting AmeriCorps in a few weeks, I'm really excited. I'll be building houses in New Orleans. It's pretty cool, they provide you with housing, food, everything you need. They even provide your clothes....."

Marjorie: "Clothes?!?! What KIND of clothes?!?!?"

Matt: "You know, jeans, t-shirts, same basic stuff I wear anyway."

Marjorie: "Oh....so you're like....a good person?"

Cliches, Part III

Marjorie: "Chew on that...........for size?"