Missed Calls

Marjorie: "Hey! Did you call me last night? I do not accept booty calls."

Me: "Yeah, I can't remember why."

Marjorie: "Ummm, to finally confess how I'm your inspiration??"

Entrepreneurship

Me: "Please don't throw my stuff away."

Marjorie: "I won't throw it away. I'll sell it. To the highest paying hobo nearest a ZARA."

Nicknames

Marjorie: "WHY DO PEOPLE CALL ME MJ?!??!?!! Is 'Marjorie' really that freaking hard?!"

Cold Turkey

Marjorie: "I'm not allowing myself to buy shoes until April. APRIL. You can find me in a rehab facility until then."

Me: "Good for you; taking the first step. Pun intended!!!"

Marjorie: "UGH."

The 'Ol Dirt Nap

Marjorie: "I'll be buried with my purses all around me in my coffin."

True Romance

Marjorie: "He gave me a love poem and it gave me IBS."

Cycling

Marjorie: "Is biking in heels bad? I saw it in the blogs."

Promises, Promises

Marjorie: "It's not a death threat, it's a death promise."

Profanity

Marjorie: "Suck my dicks!"

Joy: "Dicks?! Plural?"

Marjorie: "Duhhh." (rolls eyes)

New Friend

Marjorie: "I swear to God, Jared....SPREADING LIES ABOUT ME!"

Jared: "No lies, just love."

Marjorie: "Watch your back, son."

Jared: "Does that mean you're going to surprise me?"

Marjorie: "....with violence."

Infamy

Me: "My friend at work wants to meet you. She loves the blog."

Marjorie: "Dammit! You're sending that tomfoolery around? Hmph."

Me: "She saw it on Facebook....and was like, "Is that your blog? Is Marjorie an actual person?" And I said I didn't know because sometimes I wonder that myself."

Marjorie: "UGH. This girl better be fab. I don't want hoodrats peepin' my shit. Does she like ZARA?!"