Fashion Emergency

Marjorie: "I'm having a quarter life fashion crisis!"

Me: "About what?"

Marjorie: "Uhhhh FASHION. Sometimes, I wonder about you."

Me: "WHAT IS YOUR CRISIS."

Marjorie: "CALM DOWN DR. PHIL."

Hair Care, Part III

Me: "I need a new hairstyle."

Marjorie: "A new hairstyle? WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. ALL CHANGES GO THROUGH ME. Get a weave!"

Me: "You're a freak."

Marjorie: "You're a bitch!"

Damaged

Marjorie: "Guess who is bumpinnnn to some Danity Kane up in this bitch?!"

Boredom & Concern

Me: "Ugh, please entertain me and help me get through this day."

Marjorie: "Hmm OK. The other day I saw a hobo like chasing after a woman, yelling about his dreads. I was like umm I do NOT have time for this, Forever 21 is about to close!!! So I crossed the street....I hope that lady is OK."

Footwear, Part II

Me: "40 degrees is not frigid! It was like 18 degrees here."

Marjorie: "Well, cold enough to justify getting new boots!"

Me: "What DOESN'T justify new boots for you???"

Marjorie: "Hmm....war and famine."

Me: "I'm sure you'd find a way for that too."

Marjorie: "True. I would have to buy them to lift me up from the horrors of the world!!!!!"

Smooth Jazz

Marjorie: "Krista is watching foot porn and listening to Kenny G. You heard it here first."

Me: "Hmm somehow I don't believe you.

Marjorie: "Look - maybe I lied about the first part....but she is listening to some Kenny G. type shit for REAL."

Me: "I'm guessing you'd get Kenny G. and Coltrane mixed up."

Marjorie: "It was COLTRANE? Ugh who cares, they are both old and shit."

Betrayal, Part II

Marjorie (to Krista): "YOU ARE BETRAYING ME. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING."

Betrayal

Me: "Krista is giving me dirt for your blog."

Marjorie: "WTF. That turncoat."

Keys & Leather

Krista: "I'm gonna get a spare house key from Emily."

Marjorie (while watching True Life: I Have a Foot Fetish): "I'm gonna do Dom work."

Krista: "What?"

Marjorie: "Dominatrix!"

Smoke & Steam

Me: "Can I iron my shirt?"

Marjorie: "I don't have an iron, but I'm about to get in the shower - do you want to steam it while I'm in there? Is it 'steam'? No wait, that's not right....do you want to smoke your shirt while I'm in the shower?"

Me: "Uhhh you were right the first time...."

Covert Ops

Me: "Are you actually in the CIA? I'd believe it."

Marjorie: "If I told you, I'd have to kick your ass, bitch."

Footwear

Krista: "Did you know Marjorie wore thigh-high stiletto boots to Ikea?"

Marjorie: "I HAD TO BREAK THEM IN!!!"

Pilgrims, Hobos & the American Revolution

Marjorie (holding a piece of wood over her shoulder): "Hey look at me, I'm a pilgrim!"

Me: "....how are you a pilgrim?"

Marjorie: "You know, those people who used to tie little sacks to the end of a stick and carry it over their shoulder!"

Me: "Do you mean a HOBO?!"

Marjorie: "Ugh, WHATEVER, you know what I mean, like Paul Revere!"

Gifting

Marjorie: "My sister wants to get my aunt a fake LV bag for Christmas. Trife!"