Siblings & Alcohol

Marjorie: "OMG my brother thought that 'happy hour' was an actual place. He's like 'Huh? There's a Happy Hour in Columbia?' That tard. He needs to drink more."

Me: "Guess it runs in the fam."

Marjorie: "Psh. Hotness and awesomeness run in this fam HUSSY."

Me: "Not that I can tell."

Marjorie: "You need to check yourself before you get your ass rocked."

Email

Me: "You never wrote me back!"

Marjorie: "OH I'M SORRY I HAVE SHIZ TO HANDLE OK. Mother f'er."

Footwear

Me: "You can talk the talk but can you walk the walk?"

Marjorie: "Yes bitch!!! In four inch heels!!!"

Fashion & Self Defense

Marjorie: "D.C. SHOULD be a fashion capital....well not really, some people look TOE UP in these parts. When did it become okay to wear platform flip flops again? Or turquoise running suits? Or REEBOK CLASSICS? Ughhhh….I’ve never had mace either. I don’t think anyone would rob me because -1) I’m hot ; 2) I would probably talk to them and confuse them; 3) I would most likely be confused myself....thinking I was getting Punk’d or something; 4) BITCHES DON’T WANNA F WITH THIS."

Finances

Marjorie: "This budget that my financial advisor put me on does not allow for splurges. Who does that man think he is?! How am I supposed to buy a nice bag/shoes/WHATEVER I WANTS on a darned budget?"

How I Met Your Mother

Marjorie: "I am not Barney Stinson. DO I LOOK LIKE A WHITE MALE? One word for you: ignorant."

Holiday Parties

Marjorie: "And cookie decorating is freaking stressful!!!! I mean what cookies? What decorations?? What toppings?????????? I AM FREAKING THE F OUT!"

Online Dating

Marjorie: "I may go on blackpeoplemeet.net....my sister’s friend met her current 'male friend' through there. I find it QUITE suspect, but hey, whatever puts the motion in her ocean."

Golf

Marjorie: "PS: http://www.usmagazine.com/celebritynews/news/tigers-calves-2009312. That article is about Tiger Woods being insecure about his small CALVES. REALLY?! He’s in the midst of all that shit, and they put out an article....about his CALVES. FOR RIZ????"

Popular Music

Marjorie: "I also don’t trust the Jonas Brothers. Their presence is NOT very settling."

Jesus Christ

Me: "Ok, so who would you say is the most famous person of all time?"

Marjorie: "Ummm....Britney Spears?"

Me: ".....no. The most famous person in ALL of history, in the entire world."

Marjorie: "George Washington?!?"

Shopping

Marjorie: "Nydia took me into Arden B. last week and I was like umm WHERE am I and WHY is there pleather everywhere?"

Music & Violence

Marjorie: "Is it sad that I am totally roxing out to Fall Out Boy's CD right now?"

Me: "Ewwww."

Marjorie: "Have you even listened you homewrecker? Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Me: "Not a fan."

Marjorie: "Well I do it to it."

Me: "What was THAT noise?"

Marjorie: "The 'ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'? That was me slapping your ass!"

Facebook

Marjorie: "You are a homewrecker. P.S. Don't reply on your OWN wall. DON'T YOU HAVE ANY CLASS?!"

Monetary Issues

Marjorie: "You owe me $1,000. You can wire it to me via Western Union. I dont trust your checks. Spanx!"

Cleaning House

Marjorie: "P.S. I think I have your shirt. It's Isaac Mizrahi and has some gold tie on it? I used it to wipe my toilet."

Hallowen, Part II

Marjorie: "I wanna be Bobby Brown! You can be my Whitney!"

Me: "How are we gonna pull that off? No one will know who we are...."

Marjorie: "Yea they will! We'll just walk around and I'll smack you. COME ON!"

Halloween

Me: "Did I tell you what Zaj is gonna be?"

Marjorie: "No. Me???"

Latin Explosion

Marjorie: "Oo0h 'Livin' La Vida Loca'! I fux with Ricky!!"

Vocabulary

Marjorie: "You are such a hussbucket!"

Blackberry

Marjorie: "Why are you texting me?!?! Texting is SO 1997...."

Happiness

Marjorie: "Oh yeaaa, that's the BUSINESS!"

Hair Care, Part II

Us: "What is that stuff?"

Marjorie: "UGH have you NOT been to the black hair store?!?!"

Contract Negotiation

Me: "So how do you like your blog?"

Marjorie: "One word: royalties."

Friendship

Us: "I'm so sad, I can't believe college is over! So many memories...."

Marjorie: "Ah, nostalgia! Well, it was nice being friends with you!"

Anger Management, Part II

Marjorie: "You, you.....whoreanous shiteous tranny!!"

Life

Marjorie: "I'm just a squirrel trying to get a nut."

Photography & Wardrobe

Marjorie: "I can't wear that outfit. I wore it six months ago and it was documented on film. It would be a travesty to be seen in it again."

Photography

Marjorie: "I mean, when you're THIS fabulous, it would be a crime not to document it!"

Personal Issues

Marjorie: "You've been in New York for almost a year, when are you gonna get knocked up, locked up, and put in US Weekly!?!?!"

Cliches, Part II

Me: "You know you probably should fix your broken bed..."

Marjorie: "Ugh WHATEVER, it's a dog-eat-dog world out there!"

Cliches

Me: "Um Marjorie, your fly is down."

Marjorie: "Ugh WHATEVER, tomay-to, tomah-to!"

Cartography

Me: "Hey we're in Georgetown and we're kinda lost, can you Google Map where we are and give us directions?"

Marjorie: "Ummm sure....is this a bad time to tell you that I don't know how to read maps?"

Houseguest

Marjorie: "Hey so uhhh is it ok if I stay Sunday....with my baby?"

Violence & Photography

Marjorie: "Is your hair looking proper?"

Me: "Hell yeah!"

Marjorie: "Good just making sure I can be seen in pics with you."

Me: "What! I'll fight you."

Marjorie: "Bitch I will SHANK you!"

Keeping Up Appearances

Marjorie: "I can't, I have an appointment today. I needz to get my hair game proper."

Conduct at the Workplace

Me: "Maybe the website is blocked at your work."

Marjorie: "Please girl, nothing is blocked here. It's AMERICA. If I can go on bossip.com I can access Tory Burch."

Fergie

Marjorie: "Ugh, you are so 2000-and-NEVER."

Crimes & Trends

Marjorie: "Murderers are sooo yesteryear. The new thing is bestiality. CLEARLY."

Family

Marjorie: "Why does my sister, the lawyer, have a status that reads 'contemplating whose abs are sexier, Reggie Bush or Lance Gross'?"

Hair Care

Me: "Are you tweakin'?"

Marjorie: "Am I tweakin'? Does Beyonce wear a weave? (aka, the answer is YES)."

Anger Management

Marjorie: "I will cock-slap you!"

Biology

Marjorie: "The zoo!?! Why would we go to the zoo?!?"

Us: "Ummm to look at animals...."

Marjorie: "Isn't that what Google Images is for?!?!"

Gender Roles

Marjorie: "Sometimes I feel like a man trapped in a woman's body!"

Economics & Agriculture

Marjorie: "How much are cows these days? Like what's the mark up?"

Us: "Why the hell do you care about how much cows cost?"

Marjorie: "UGH I don't know, I'm just curious! BI-curious...."

Life, Death, & Geography

Marjorie: "He's six feet under - and I DON'T mean Australia."

Me: "What? Australia is The Land Down Under."

Marjorie: "Yeah, won't make that mistake again...."

Me: "Did you actually make that mistake?"

Marjorie: "Well I was sitting in class one day and this girl was saying how her grandfather is 'six feet under' and I was like 'Oh, he lives in Australia?'"